The need to forgive is being so widely taught nowadays, that we are being programmed that we have to forgive to be a kind, caring person and that if we don't forgive someone for a wrong doing then we will never find peace and happiness.
We may have real inner turmoil with this and start to think that we are a bad person if we don't or can't forgive someone, because the programming and messages being sent out are becoming so loud.
So what if someone has done something to you or someone you love, and you just cannot forgive them? Does that mean you are a bad person? - No not at all!
You are not the person who did the wrongful deed, so never ever loose sight of that fact.
So how can we stop beating ourselves up about not being able to forgive that person or people when there is so much 'spiritual teaching' that we should forgive?
Well, I have given this much consideration and I have done much soul searching and discerning on this very subject, because I found myself in this very situation, and being a 'Divine Energy Channel & Healer', this was a really major issue for me. I felt that if I didn't forgive then I was out of alignment with what I was teaching and representing, from everything I had heard about forgiveness.
This caused me so much inner turmoil, at a time when I really needed to just be loving to myself, be super kind and caring to myself and supporting myself through this really challenging time and instead of doing any of that, I was beating myself up, telling myself I was out of alignment, not walking my talk and obviously not a very nice person! So reaching a point close to emotional break-down I started to talk to my soul and ask for help and guidance on this issue.
Overall, I felt like there was no way I could and would ever forgive for this injustice, so I decided to break this down into smaller parts and see if I could find a way to resolve this issue.
So I went into my mind and asked if my mind would forgive - the answer was no.
So I went into my heart and asked my compassionate heart if it was willing to forgive - again the answer was no.
Which left me with my soul, which is my Divine Connection to all that is PURE, so I knew this answer would be yes, but when I asked my soul if it would forgive the answer was the strongest no of them all!
Now this was a big shock to me, so it was time to start to ask lots of questions and find out why my soul had said no to forgiving. These are the answers I was given.
1 - our most important task in life is to look after ourselves and our own energy and emotions. If we are not in a good place then we cannot keep giving out good to others.
2 - we need to be true to ourselves and do what feels good to us. If something feels good then that is an indication that it is right for us and if it feels bad then that is a message that it is wrong for us.
3 - the other person is responsible for their actions not you. What has happened has already caused much upset and trauma and your future happiness should not depend on the person who caused this at all.
4 - the doer of the wrong needs to earn forgiveness, by taking responsibility for their actions, saying they did wrong and making amends and changing their behaviour. If they are not willing to do this then they do not deserve to be forgiven.
5 - we all have free choice, to chose Pure or evil. Divine does not condone evil, it repels it. Opposites repel, by the Law of the Universe. Any beliefs that contradict the Laws of the Universe are false.
If it feels ok to forgive someone, genuinely from your heart then great, if it doesn't then that is ok too. If your definition of forgive means it is 'saying it was ok for them to do what they did', then it is no surprise that your or my soul says a very strong no to this, because it is most definitely not ok for someone to upset, hurt, abuse or murder someone else at all. This is not pure action, it is not loving it is not in alignment with our Divine Connection.
So the big issue with whether you can forgive or not is to do with what is your definition of forgive? Your soul knows the truth and we cannot con our souls. So if deep down you believe forgiving is saying it was ok then you will be out of alignment with your soul and Divine Connection to forgive, which is why you feel so strongly that you cannot and will never forgive - this is actually a Divine Truth.
So why is forgiveness being taught so much and why are we being led to believe that we can't be happy (& a good, kind, caring person), unless we forgive someone? Well the real message being put across here is that you need to look after yourself - you need to let go of all the stored hurt, anger, upset that will stop you from moving forwards into happiness, and it is really, really important to do this. You deserve to be happy and to move forwards into a carefree life without the black cloud of bad energy from the situation that has already done so much damage.
If you consider the principle of forgiving to be a 'cutting of ties and all energies' that are connecting you to this person / people / situation, then when you ask your mind, heart and soul if you are willing to 'cut ties to this situation and all energies connecting you to this', then you will get a yes, because this is supporting you and your well being and is in alignment with Divine Truth.
If we stay stuck in hurt, resentful, anger, blame and any other low emotions then we are continuing to damage ourselves. When we let go of these emotions and fill ourselves with Pure Divine Energies then we are lifting ourselves into a Higher Frequency of Living.
At the end of the day, hurting someone in any way is wrong. Saying that it is ok for people to hurt others is another wrong, and I'm sure we were all taught that two wrongs don't make a right!
What happened was wrong, but you deserve to be happy and free of this black cloud, so work on releasing all the pain and emotions connecting you to this so you can feel happy and in peace.
And what about justice, you may be thinking. Well the Universe has it's own very powerful rules and if you ask for Divine Justice to be done, then I believe it will be done. Yes it takes much trust to keep believing, but the alternative is to live a messed up, unhappy life, so for YOUR sake, YOUR health & YOUR happiness, please do cut ties to this issue and allow yourself to move forwards into happiness.
So you may be wondering, have I forgiven the people who have done the wrong deed? After much soul searching, discerning hundreds of times, yes, literally hundreds if not thousands of times, to check if these answers were right and in Divine Integrity; I have accepted that what happened has happened and that cannot be changed, that my definition of forgiveness is 'to say it was ok, or it doesn't matter, or we can just forget about it' and I don't believe any of those statements are true, pure and Divine, so no I don't forgive for what has happened. However, I have done much energy work, cutting ties, releasing and filling with Divine Energies so that I can move forwards with my life and not have my happiness be controlled by others and a past wrong doing that can never be undone.
Sending much Love, Light and Peace to you to dissolve all the upset, trauma and shock that you are feeling from any wrong actions that have come into your life. May you know be at peace with feeling you have to forgive if this doesn't feel right for you.
If you find it difficult to love and support yourself then please do read my book - Loving You.
It is light-hearted and easy to read, with energy work throughout to really help you shift into a higher vibration and a whole chapter on how to deal with grief.
Available online at Balboa Press, Amazon, BookDepository, Barnes & Noble, Waterstones & W.H. Smith.